Just as I finally decide to get back into the swing of things, I get sick. Since my other blog is titled The Real Life Drama Queen. I can't get a normal sniffles kind of sick either. Nope. I thought I had strep throat. Usually puts me at the hospital for at least one overnight visit. Not this time. I have been downgraded to Mono. Um, new one for me. Never had that before.
If I am feeling better soon, I have plenty of things to write about. Just won't be anything recent. Probably a good thing. My sarcastic side has been running rampant. Has me thinking I am not as funny as I think I am. I think I am going to blame it on the sickness. Why? Because I can of course.
Pretty cocky for a sick woman, huh?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Things That Make You Go Hummm?
I guess this could be considered another story about proper table manners. Not the sit up straight, tuck in your shirt and wear a tie kind either. I don't work in an upscale, kiss your ass, kind of restaurant. I work in a family one. Well, that is what they tell the public, while they are trying to turn the bar into an actual party environment at night. Not happening, by the way.
I am referring to the type of table manners you should expect from, at the very least, your 8 year old. You know what I am talking about, common sense. The I wasn't raised up on a mountain, with no human contact, no electricity, animals were my only friends and I ain't got no manners kind. I am referring to the examples you will find below.
1. Let's go out to lunch with the girls, shall we? Great! Now let's kick off our smelly shoes after walking around the mall all blasted day, shopping. Better yet, I am going to put them on the seat opposite of me, so my friend, can have the joy of smelling them as she tries to eat her lunch. (I don't care. Cute pedicure or not! You are not at home. Feet at the dinner table in public is nasty! Nasty! Nasty!
2. Blowing your nose at the table just screams, too lazy to go to the bathroom. It also screams DISGUSTING!!!! If I was the one dining with you, I would go to my server, give her a huge tip, then leave your fowl ass alone and go somewhere else to look for company that didn't make me want to vomit!
3. Changing your child's dirty diaper at the table. Now I know you are shaking your head in complete amazement, but yes, I have witnessed this happening. I want to thank that woman for not only changing the diaper at the table, but for leaving the dirty one as part of my tip. Really, I was touched and touching your child's feces laden diaper was the best tip ever!! NOT! Sarcasm was intended.
4. Oh look, there's a ramp! Obviously meant for your children to run up and down it unattended, not only disturbing other guests, but also getting in way of people who are trying to work. It wasn't really intended for the elderly or the handicapped. Nope, it's a secret playground.
5. Please litter, make a mess, whatever you wish to call it. Please, please do it. No, not on the outside. Please do it at your table. As in let everything you can find, from either your purse, pockets or food, hit the floor. I mean you don't have to crawl under the table and pick up disgusting stuff with YOUR hands. We the servers do. At a great discount of only $2.13 an hour. What a bargain!!
6. Please ignore, snarl, cuss, curl up your nose, sigh, yell and basically just treat your server like crap. I mean, common courtesy is just a Greek myth, right?
7. How about throwing a fit because gratuity was added to your large party. This one is my favorite. I call it "Just desserts." The sign states that gratuity will be added to large parties, then when the table gets the check and actually has to tip the proper amount. They are astounded by how much the tip is on the bill. They have anxiety attacks. Usually people who have never tipped accurately in their lives are the biggest cry babies.
8. This one was a first for me. It didn't happen to me personally, but I did get to witness the event. When a host/hostess asked if you or if everyone in your party is over the age of 21, it is for a reason. The bar area can be the hardest to seat. People either think we are going to hold their head under the beer tap and make them chug or that smoking is still allowed in the restaurant. It is also because you have to be 21 to sit in the bar area. But dammit woman, be flattered we thought you were under 21. On day you will be old and wrinkled and bitching no one cards you anymore. It certainly wasn't worth complaining to the management.
9. Another of my favorites is the overly loud, ghetto talking, Jerry Springer show wannabe! You know the woman I mean. You've all seen her at some point and time. She has to either wait to be seated or wait a bit because her server is busy. So instead of being patient she rolls her eyes, gets loud(extremely) and complains that she isn't afraid to break her foot off in someones ass. Way to show your children proper public behaviour and how to not have respect for themselves or others.
I am sure I could sit here and think of a hundred more, but what's the fun in telling all of my stories at once. Wink! Wink!
I am referring to the type of table manners you should expect from, at the very least, your 8 year old. You know what I am talking about, common sense. The I wasn't raised up on a mountain, with no human contact, no electricity, animals were my only friends and I ain't got no manners kind. I am referring to the examples you will find below.
1. Let's go out to lunch with the girls, shall we? Great! Now let's kick off our smelly shoes after walking around the mall all blasted day, shopping. Better yet, I am going to put them on the seat opposite of me, so my friend, can have the joy of smelling them as she tries to eat her lunch. (I don't care. Cute pedicure or not! You are not at home. Feet at the dinner table in public is nasty! Nasty! Nasty!
2. Blowing your nose at the table just screams, too lazy to go to the bathroom. It also screams DISGUSTING!!!! If I was the one dining with you, I would go to my server, give her a huge tip, then leave your fowl ass alone and go somewhere else to look for company that didn't make me want to vomit!
3. Changing your child's dirty diaper at the table. Now I know you are shaking your head in complete amazement, but yes, I have witnessed this happening. I want to thank that woman for not only changing the diaper at the table, but for leaving the dirty one as part of my tip. Really, I was touched and touching your child's feces laden diaper was the best tip ever!! NOT! Sarcasm was intended.
4. Oh look, there's a ramp! Obviously meant for your children to run up and down it unattended, not only disturbing other guests, but also getting in way of people who are trying to work. It wasn't really intended for the elderly or the handicapped. Nope, it's a secret playground.
5. Please litter, make a mess, whatever you wish to call it. Please, please do it. No, not on the outside. Please do it at your table. As in let everything you can find, from either your purse, pockets or food, hit the floor. I mean you don't have to crawl under the table and pick up disgusting stuff with YOUR hands. We the servers do. At a great discount of only $2.13 an hour. What a bargain!!
6. Please ignore, snarl, cuss, curl up your nose, sigh, yell and basically just treat your server like crap. I mean, common courtesy is just a Greek myth, right?
7. How about throwing a fit because gratuity was added to your large party. This one is my favorite. I call it "Just desserts." The sign states that gratuity will be added to large parties, then when the table gets the check and actually has to tip the proper amount. They are astounded by how much the tip is on the bill. They have anxiety attacks. Usually people who have never tipped accurately in their lives are the biggest cry babies.
8. This one was a first for me. It didn't happen to me personally, but I did get to witness the event. When a host/hostess asked if you or if everyone in your party is over the age of 21, it is for a reason. The bar area can be the hardest to seat. People either think we are going to hold their head under the beer tap and make them chug or that smoking is still allowed in the restaurant. It is also because you have to be 21 to sit in the bar area. But dammit woman, be flattered we thought you were under 21. On day you will be old and wrinkled and bitching no one cards you anymore. It certainly wasn't worth complaining to the management.
9. Another of my favorites is the overly loud, ghetto talking, Jerry Springer show wannabe! You know the woman I mean. You've all seen her at some point and time. She has to either wait to be seated or wait a bit because her server is busy. So instead of being patient she rolls her eyes, gets loud(extremely) and complains that she isn't afraid to break her foot off in someones ass. Way to show your children proper public behaviour and how to not have respect for themselves or others.
I am sure I could sit here and think of a hundred more, but what's the fun in telling all of my stories at once. Wink! Wink!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Ten Things That Embarrased Me Most
So I was doing my normal pondering as to what to write about and decided to tell you about some embarrassing things that have happened to me while serving. Believe me when I say, I am not proud to let the world know I have done these things. Some of them were hurtful to my pride, some of them down right hilarious. Either way, I hope that by the time that you get to number ten, that you had at least one laugh.
1. Survey says that the number one embarrassing, and most common thing a server has done is.. Dropped dishes mid dining room. Now I am sure that most of you have been sitting in a dining room and heard dishes break. 90% of the time, they are glasses. But the most embarrassing drops are the ones that happen in the dining area itself. It means you have just postponed someones dinner. Which wouldn't be so bad, but try dropping something breakable in the middle of a packed restaurant sometime and have at least 50 pairs of eyes on you. All of them saying "Ohhhh! Did you seeee that??"
2. Stumbling over words, that should easily come out of ones mouth. Example: (and yes I have said this) "Would you like some spinach and artichoke Dick (dip) before your meal today?" ....Umm yeah.. some ladies really don't like Dick.. ya know what I mean?
3. Another word stumble.. "Would you like some Fire CRAPPER Chicken wraps today?" Considering the proper name is Firecracker. And despite what I had previously called them, they are quite excellent and my favorite appetizer at Longhorn.
4. Stumbling and falling, literally. I was going up the stairs. Only two of them, by the way, and fell, on my knees. Lost all the food, it made a loud crash and naturally the whole restaurant enjoyed the show. Was embarrassing and painful.
5. I used to make balloon animals for children at my tables, when I had a moment. Until I accidentally bought a bad batch of balloons. Nothing like making children cry when they see the doggy or bunny I just made them pop.
6. It's my birthday. Everyone that works there comes out from the back to hand me the dessert. They trap me and sing to me in front of everyone. Which is sweet, but took half the restaurant a few to realize their servers disappeared for another server. OOPS!!
7. Falling into a rather or should I say extremely attractive mans lap. His woman didn't like that, but pretty sure he did. LOL
8. Nothing like walking up to an adorable baby, and saying hello. Only to get a return greeting that is so loud and annoying that it rips through the entire dining area. All eyes move to you. I don't mind being in the spotlight. I just prefer my own terms.
9. How about owing a rather cute pair of underwear? Not bad right? How about they have a sexy, big, pink and blue ribbon that ties in the back? How about you walk around doing your job for no less then two hours before your co-workers get tired of laughing at you? That's when they tell you that your panties are showing. Nice huh?
10. Want one worse? Try wearing a thong to work, your pants rip. You don't know it and you wait on tables all day with your bare ass hanging out. I am still not sure how many people actually saw my butt that day.
All of the above happened to me. Be kind to your server. Always remember to let her know that her panties or butt is showing. Because her co-workers sure won't.
1. Survey says that the number one embarrassing, and most common thing a server has done is.. Dropped dishes mid dining room. Now I am sure that most of you have been sitting in a dining room and heard dishes break. 90% of the time, they are glasses. But the most embarrassing drops are the ones that happen in the dining area itself. It means you have just postponed someones dinner. Which wouldn't be so bad, but try dropping something breakable in the middle of a packed restaurant sometime and have at least 50 pairs of eyes on you. All of them saying "Ohhhh! Did you seeee that??"
2. Stumbling over words, that should easily come out of ones mouth. Example: (and yes I have said this) "Would you like some spinach and artichoke Dick (dip) before your meal today?" ....Umm yeah.. some ladies really don't like Dick.. ya know what I mean?
3. Another word stumble.. "Would you like some Fire CRAPPER Chicken wraps today?" Considering the proper name is Firecracker. And despite what I had previously called them, they are quite excellent and my favorite appetizer at Longhorn.
4. Stumbling and falling, literally. I was going up the stairs. Only two of them, by the way, and fell, on my knees. Lost all the food, it made a loud crash and naturally the whole restaurant enjoyed the show. Was embarrassing and painful.
5. I used to make balloon animals for children at my tables, when I had a moment. Until I accidentally bought a bad batch of balloons. Nothing like making children cry when they see the doggy or bunny I just made them pop.
6. It's my birthday. Everyone that works there comes out from the back to hand me the dessert. They trap me and sing to me in front of everyone. Which is sweet, but took half the restaurant a few to realize their servers disappeared for another server. OOPS!!
7. Falling into a rather or should I say extremely attractive mans lap. His woman didn't like that, but pretty sure he did. LOL
8. Nothing like walking up to an adorable baby, and saying hello. Only to get a return greeting that is so loud and annoying that it rips through the entire dining area. All eyes move to you. I don't mind being in the spotlight. I just prefer my own terms.
9. How about owing a rather cute pair of underwear? Not bad right? How about they have a sexy, big, pink and blue ribbon that ties in the back? How about you walk around doing your job for no less then two hours before your co-workers get tired of laughing at you? That's when they tell you that your panties are showing. Nice huh?
10. Want one worse? Try wearing a thong to work, your pants rip. You don't know it and you wait on tables all day with your bare ass hanging out. I am still not sure how many people actually saw my butt that day.
All of the above happened to me. Be kind to your server. Always remember to let her know that her panties or butt is showing. Because her co-workers sure won't.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
No Excuses!!!
I make no excuses to being away for so long! chalk it up to sheer laziness. Truthfully, I just did not fee like taking additional time from my already hectic day to vent. I should have. I would probably be walking around less stressed, more relaxed and infinitely less bitchy. Oh well, apparently I enjoy self torture. It will explain why I am still serving. Since I am no longer with the previous company, nor am I in the same location, globally. I feel safe in revealing that I worked for Longhorn, in Jacksonville, Florida. Great company. Though I feel it was a better company before they sold out to Dardin.
Something about working for corporate companies, just makes me cringe. You get a bunch of fat cats, in business suits, who never ever in their life had to wait tables, bar tend or even work behind the scenes. Then they come into each of their stores and nit pick like Prima Donna's bitching about how this looks, how that should be moved and the worst is how they tell their managers how dark it should be in the restaurant. Why? Because apparently the darker the better and apparently our more advanced aged guests should bring a flashlight with them in order to read the menu.
The latest corporate sensation (sarcasms intended) that I am working for, it is a family restaurant. Though they do stay open later in the evenings then most. The newest thing to come down from corporate is to basically the bar area into a night club. It is so funny, you almost have to laugh at the tragedy they are putting their employees through.
Seeing as this is Day 1 of my immediate return, I am going to leave off with letting you know that I am creating a Facebook Fan site. So stay tuned. I promise that I am coming back with a vengeance. ;o)
Something about working for corporate companies, just makes me cringe. You get a bunch of fat cats, in business suits, who never ever in their life had to wait tables, bar tend or even work behind the scenes. Then they come into each of their stores and nit pick like Prima Donna's bitching about how this looks, how that should be moved and the worst is how they tell their managers how dark it should be in the restaurant. Why? Because apparently the darker the better and apparently our more advanced aged guests should bring a flashlight with them in order to read the menu.
The latest corporate sensation (sarcasms intended) that I am working for, it is a family restaurant. Though they do stay open later in the evenings then most. The newest thing to come down from corporate is to basically the bar area into a night club. It is so funny, you almost have to laugh at the tragedy they are putting their employees through.
Seeing as this is Day 1 of my immediate return, I am going to leave off with letting you know that I am creating a Facebook Fan site. So stay tuned. I promise that I am coming back with a vengeance. ;o)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Work Frenzy!!!
Man I don't think I have ever worked this many days in a row before. I think it has been over a month. I had the opportunity to work again today. I said no this time, but I am wishing I didn't. My body says thank you, but my bank account is screaming, "Stupid Bitch!" Such is the life. I have said before that I love my job, but is it possible to get burnt out on something you enjoy doing? Even if it makes you money? I am thinking it is so. Some morning I have been so exhausted that I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I have too. I have never been on a real vacation. I took a break over Christmas, but that was to visit family, it wasn't a real vacation. SO when my refund comes in this year, I am taking a REAL one. I am just giving you a heads up. This workaholic is going to go to Disney World. Reminds me of those Super Bowl commercials.
"You've just worked six years in a row. What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to Disney World!"
Okay, maybe I sound a bit excited about it, but I live in Florida and I have NEVER been there! I mean come on, I work a lot.
Work has been good for the most part. Business has been a bit slower, but I have made some new regular guests, which I adore. So for the most part, things at work are the same. Same crazy people, same shitty tippers, same rude people and even the same people with screaming kids coming in. Apparently, people like my restaurant.
Have a great week!
"You've just worked six years in a row. What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to Disney World!"
Okay, maybe I sound a bit excited about it, but I live in Florida and I have NEVER been there! I mean come on, I work a lot.
Work has been good for the most part. Business has been a bit slower, but I have made some new regular guests, which I adore. So for the most part, things at work are the same. Same crazy people, same shitty tippers, same rude people and even the same people with screaming kids coming in. Apparently, people like my restaurant.
Have a great week!
Friday, February 29, 2008
I'm Sorry!
I am so going to be unoriginal here. I will be back tomorrow night. I am sorry for my absence. I have just been working a lot and not in the mood to get on the computer, let alone write.
Hugs to all!
Hugs to all!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Rude Awakings
Pretty bad the tree has an attitude too. Think Mother Nature is trying to tell us something?
I just had a really rude experience. The heighth of stupidity in my opinion. These ladies came into the restaurant. Had a cutie of a boy that was a definate handful. When I see parents with unruley children I do my best to entertain them in a way that calms them down. Personally I wouldn't want to be sitting next to a screaming child on my hour long lunch break. I remember working in an office. If I had wanted to listen to whining children then, I would have stayed in the office. The ladies automatically determine that they don't care I have five other tables besides them and demand all of my attention. To complete the round up, they proceed to talk to me as if I am a simplton. Get real. I do have to read and write and have excellent memory skills, as well as consolidation skills, in order to be a server. Multi-tasking is a MUST!
I stand there and politely try to take their order. Patiently even. I can see my other tables out of the corner of my eye. Two of them are looking at me. That means they need something. But for the life of me, I cannot get away from these women. They repeat their order three times. Even after I have repeated it back to them. They want the most annoying time consuming things. Example, one lady wants two drinks, both in to go cups. I mean come on. Have a little faith in your server. They can't always get refills out immediately, but four drinks for two women is rediculous.
After spending damn near six minutes, just taking an order for two.. count em.. two people. Two people who spoke to me like I was stupid and incompetent. I can tell my other tables are exasperated. They were not close enough to hear the conversation. To them, I am sure I appear a chatty Kathy. I promise to be back with all of their requests and head off towards the kitchen to fill such orders. I am walking out of the back, carrying everything. I have no choice. All of the other servers are busy, so unable to help. And these ladies put me so far behind. Just my luck though. To Go glasses do not like to be put on trays. Those damn cups knocked over every single thing I was carrying. I was soaked from my shoulders down. My apron was filled with ice, tea and coke. I almost screamed. Instead, I approached the hostess. I told her to memorize their faces. Because if I ever have to wait on them again I will walk out. Flat. Told my boss that as well. I do demand a certain amount of respect.
The whole restaurant heard the crash. Six glasses, two bread boards and a frustrated growl tends to turn all eyes your way. Yippie!!! Nothing like putting on a show for strangers. It must be what a stripper feels like when her g-string breaks and she full frontal moons everyone. I am sure her tips increase with her accident, where as mine decrease.
Maybe I should wear a breakaway g-string. Nah.. I work in a family restaurant after all.
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