Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Summertime Blues

There ain't no cure! Just to quote a famous song and a remake of a famous song. Because with the limitless knowledge and floundering writers out there, remakes of previous hit songs are what we desire. Since when did humans crave monotony?

Seriously though, I forget why I whine, bitch and moan that summer isn't here. I forget that when that lovely weather appears, my money disappears. Not to mention I get that wonderful summer itch and I don't want to be at work at all. That isn't any good. I mean if I leave work and the customers aren't going there either, hum where's the money? Somebody show it to me please! Not joking. I am pretty sure I am going to have to get yet another job for the summer. So much for taking the kids to a theme park if I do that.

That is the down thing about being a server. It is so hit or miss. There are days that $2.13 is actually all you make. By the time Uncle Sam gets done with that, you are in the negative. Besides that fact that if you don't see a paycheck and you don't see any guests, you might see an eviction notice. Very bad combination indeed.

Sorry a bit dreary today. I am missing Florida and the fact that I have a couple of days off coming up and I would REALLY love to go to the beach. But can't afford the gas for the 13 hour drive. Oops! Such is life at times. Who knows? We might actually have people come in out of the heat for lunch tomorrow. Hey, an adventuring waitress can dream ya know!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Back To The Grindstone

And I don't mean Charlie's. Hopefully you all have heard of Grindstone Charlie's and will get that joke. No, I don't work there. I just thought it was funny when I wrote it, but I guess it isn't funny if you have to explain it. There I go a rambling....

I am out of the sick bed and back to work. I admit it was nice to sleep for practically three days straight, it was however not pleasant to be sick while doing it. It ended up that I had strep throat. Thanks to anti-biotic's, rest and a wonderful co-worker, I am back on my feet again. Literally.

Sickness in the food industry is dangerous. We as servers and cooks can really have an effect on whether or not you get sick. Now I am not trying to imply that we will intentionally get you sick. No, only vile and disgusting servers, who in my opinion should not be serving, will intentionally make you ill. I am referring to the fact that we handle the food. All of it. From your lemon in that water we hate to see, to the cheese that is sprinkled so nicely on your salad. Personally, I wash my hands so many times a day, that sometimes I wonder how I have any skin left on them.

The real kicker I have found is that when an employee is sick, the management practically begs them to come to work. I have seen managers let extremely ill people, hoped up on medication like Zicam and Sucrets work. Oh, you wouldn't know it. They can look so fun and lively at your table, but in the back they are whining and complaining that they are sick. I will let you in on a little secret. Managers are chickens. Look under their uniforms and you will see feathers. Not kidding. They are so afraid to run with a shorter staff of servers. So afraid that the store will fill up and that the servers heads will spin like tops, that they will run with three people more then they need to avoid actually having to help out. If you doubt me in anyway. Ask a server sometime. Any server. Say, "Hey, does your manager ever have too many servers on the floor at a time?" First off, you will shock the server, second they will recover long enough to answer, "Unfortunately all the time."

Sad part is, why the manager gets a guaranteed paid amount, it effects the server directly. Got to go, I do believe I just heard clucking.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Down With The Sickness

Just as I finally decide to get back into the swing of things, I get sick. Since my other blog is titled The Real Life Drama Queen. I can't get a normal sniffles kind of sick either. Nope. I thought I had strep throat. Usually puts me at the hospital for at least one overnight visit. Not this time. I have been downgraded to Mono. Um, new one for me. Never had that before.

If I am feeling better soon, I have plenty of things to write about. Just won't be anything recent. Probably a good thing. My sarcastic side has been running rampant. Has me thinking I am not as funny as I think I am. I think I am going to blame it on the sickness. Why? Because I can of course.

Pretty cocky for a sick woman, huh?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Things That Make You Go Hummm?

I guess this could be considered another story about proper table manners. Not the sit up straight, tuck in your shirt and wear a tie kind either. I don't work in an upscale, kiss your ass, kind of restaurant. I work in a family one. Well, that is what they tell the public, while they are trying to turn the bar into an actual party environment at night. Not happening, by the way.

I am referring to the type of table manners you should expect from, at the very least, your 8 year old. You know what I am talking about, common sense. The I wasn't raised up on a mountain, with no human contact, no electricity, animals were my only friends and I ain't got no manners kind. I am referring to the examples you will find below.

1. Let's go out to lunch with the girls, shall we? Great! Now let's kick off our smelly shoes after walking around the mall all blasted day, shopping. Better yet, I am going to put them on the seat opposite of me, so my friend, can have the joy of smelling them as she tries to eat her lunch. (I don't care. Cute pedicure or not! You are not at home. Feet at the dinner table in public is nasty! Nasty! Nasty!

2. Blowing your nose at the table just screams, too lazy to go to the bathroom. It also screams DISGUSTING!!!! If I was the one dining with you, I would go to my server, give her a huge tip, then leave your fowl ass alone and go somewhere else to look for company that didn't make me want to vomit!

3. Changing your child's dirty diaper at the table. Now I know you are shaking your head in complete amazement, but yes, I have witnessed this happening. I want to thank that woman for not only changing the diaper at the table, but for leaving the dirty one as part of my tip. Really, I was touched and touching your child's feces laden diaper was the best tip ever!! NOT! Sarcasm was intended.

4. Oh look, there's a ramp! Obviously meant for your children to run up and down it unattended, not only disturbing other guests, but also getting in way of people who are trying to work. It wasn't really intended for the elderly or the handicapped. Nope, it's a secret playground.

5. Please litter, make a mess, whatever you wish to call it. Please, please do it. No, not on the outside. Please do it at your table. As in let everything you can find, from either your purse, pockets or food, hit the floor. I mean you don't have to crawl under the table and pick up disgusting stuff with YOUR hands. We the servers do. At a great discount of only $2.13 an hour. What a bargain!!

6. Please ignore, snarl, cuss, curl up your nose, sigh, yell and basically just treat your server like crap. I mean, common courtesy is just a Greek myth, right?

7. How about throwing a fit because gratuity was added to your large party. This one is my favorite. I call it "Just desserts." The sign states that gratuity will be added to large parties, then when the table gets the check and actually has to tip the proper amount. They are astounded by how much the tip is on the bill. They have anxiety attacks. Usually people who have never tipped accurately in their lives are the biggest cry babies.

8. This one was a first for me. It didn't happen to me personally, but I did get to witness the event. When a host/hostess asked if you or if everyone in your party is over the age of 21, it is for a reason. The bar area can be the hardest to seat. People either think we are going to hold their head under the beer tap and make them chug or that smoking is still allowed in the restaurant. It is also because you have to be 21 to sit in the bar area. But dammit woman, be flattered we thought you were under 21. On day you will be old and wrinkled and bitching no one cards you anymore. It certainly wasn't worth complaining to the management.

9. Another of my favorites is the overly loud, ghetto talking, Jerry Springer show wannabe! You know the woman I mean. You've all seen her at some point and time. She has to either wait to be seated or wait a bit because her server is busy. So instead of being patient she rolls her eyes, gets loud(extremely) and complains that she isn't afraid to break her foot off in someones ass. Way to show your children proper public behaviour and how to not have respect for themselves or others.

I am sure I could sit here and think of a hundred more, but what's the fun in telling all of my stories at once. Wink! Wink!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ten Things That Embarrased Me Most

So I was doing my normal pondering as to what to write about and decided to tell you about some embarrassing things that have happened to me while serving. Believe me when I say, I am not proud to let the world know I have done these things. Some of them were hurtful to my pride, some of them down right hilarious. Either way, I hope that by the time that you get to number ten, that you had at least one laugh.

1. Survey says that the number one embarrassing, and most common thing a server has done is.. Dropped dishes mid dining room. Now I am sure that most of you have been sitting in a dining room and heard dishes break. 90% of the time, they are glasses. But the most embarrassing drops are the ones that happen in the dining area itself. It means you have just postponed someones dinner. Which wouldn't be so bad, but try dropping something breakable in the middle of a packed restaurant sometime and have at least 50 pairs of eyes on you. All of them saying "Ohhhh! Did you seeee that??"

2. Stumbling over words, that should easily come out of ones mouth. Example: (and yes I have said this) "Would you like some spinach and artichoke Dick (dip) before your meal today?" ....Umm yeah.. some ladies really don't like Dick.. ya know what I mean?

3. Another word stumble.. "Would you like some Fire CRAPPER Chicken wraps today?" Considering the proper name is Firecracker. And despite what I had previously called them, they are quite excellent and my favorite appetizer at Longhorn.

4. Stumbling and falling, literally. I was going up the stairs. Only two of them, by the way, and fell, on my knees. Lost all the food, it made a loud crash and naturally the whole restaurant enjoyed the show. Was embarrassing and painful.

5. I used to make balloon animals for children at my tables, when I had a moment. Until I accidentally bought a bad batch of balloons. Nothing like making children cry when they see the doggy or bunny I just made them pop.

6. It's my birthday. Everyone that works there comes out from the back to hand me the dessert. They trap me and sing to me in front of everyone. Which is sweet, but took half the restaurant a few to realize their servers disappeared for another server. OOPS!!

7. Falling into a rather or should I say extremely attractive mans lap. His woman didn't like that, but pretty sure he did. LOL

8. Nothing like walking up to an adorable baby, and saying hello. Only to get a return greeting that is so loud and annoying that it rips through the entire dining area. All eyes move to you. I don't mind being in the spotlight. I just prefer my own terms.

9. How about owing a rather cute pair of underwear? Not bad right? How about they have a sexy, big, pink and blue ribbon that ties in the back? How about you walk around doing your job for no less then two hours before your co-workers get tired of laughing at you? That's when they tell you that your panties are showing. Nice huh?

10. Want one worse? Try wearing a thong to work, your pants rip. You don't know it and you wait on tables all day with your bare ass hanging out. I am still not sure how many people actually saw my butt that day.

All of the above happened to me. Be kind to your server. Always remember to let her know that her panties or butt is showing. Because her co-workers sure won't.