Sunday, May 9, 2010

Things That Make You Go Hummm?

I guess this could be considered another story about proper table manners. Not the sit up straight, tuck in your shirt and wear a tie kind either. I don't work in an upscale, kiss your ass, kind of restaurant. I work in a family one. Well, that is what they tell the public, while they are trying to turn the bar into an actual party environment at night. Not happening, by the way.

I am referring to the type of table manners you should expect from, at the very least, your 8 year old. You know what I am talking about, common sense. The I wasn't raised up on a mountain, with no human contact, no electricity, animals were my only friends and I ain't got no manners kind. I am referring to the examples you will find below.

1. Let's go out to lunch with the girls, shall we? Great! Now let's kick off our smelly shoes after walking around the mall all blasted day, shopping. Better yet, I am going to put them on the seat opposite of me, so my friend, can have the joy of smelling them as she tries to eat her lunch. (I don't care. Cute pedicure or not! You are not at home. Feet at the dinner table in public is nasty! Nasty! Nasty!

2. Blowing your nose at the table just screams, too lazy to go to the bathroom. It also screams DISGUSTING!!!! If I was the one dining with you, I would go to my server, give her a huge tip, then leave your fowl ass alone and go somewhere else to look for company that didn't make me want to vomit!

3. Changing your child's dirty diaper at the table. Now I know you are shaking your head in complete amazement, but yes, I have witnessed this happening. I want to thank that woman for not only changing the diaper at the table, but for leaving the dirty one as part of my tip. Really, I was touched and touching your child's feces laden diaper was the best tip ever!! NOT! Sarcasm was intended.

4. Oh look, there's a ramp! Obviously meant for your children to run up and down it unattended, not only disturbing other guests, but also getting in way of people who are trying to work. It wasn't really intended for the elderly or the handicapped. Nope, it's a secret playground.

5. Please litter, make a mess, whatever you wish to call it. Please, please do it. No, not on the outside. Please do it at your table. As in let everything you can find, from either your purse, pockets or food, hit the floor. I mean you don't have to crawl under the table and pick up disgusting stuff with YOUR hands. We the servers do. At a great discount of only $2.13 an hour. What a bargain!!

6. Please ignore, snarl, cuss, curl up your nose, sigh, yell and basically just treat your server like crap. I mean, common courtesy is just a Greek myth, right?

7. How about throwing a fit because gratuity was added to your large party. This one is my favorite. I call it "Just desserts." The sign states that gratuity will be added to large parties, then when the table gets the check and actually has to tip the proper amount. They are astounded by how much the tip is on the bill. They have anxiety attacks. Usually people who have never tipped accurately in their lives are the biggest cry babies.

8. This one was a first for me. It didn't happen to me personally, but I did get to witness the event. When a host/hostess asked if you or if everyone in your party is over the age of 21, it is for a reason. The bar area can be the hardest to seat. People either think we are going to hold their head under the beer tap and make them chug or that smoking is still allowed in the restaurant. It is also because you have to be 21 to sit in the bar area. But dammit woman, be flattered we thought you were under 21. On day you will be old and wrinkled and bitching no one cards you anymore. It certainly wasn't worth complaining to the management.

9. Another of my favorites is the overly loud, ghetto talking, Jerry Springer show wannabe! You know the woman I mean. You've all seen her at some point and time. She has to either wait to be seated or wait a bit because her server is busy. So instead of being patient she rolls her eyes, gets loud(extremely) and complains that she isn't afraid to break her foot off in someones ass. Way to show your children proper public behaviour and how to not have respect for themselves or others.

I am sure I could sit here and think of a hundred more, but what's the fun in telling all of my stories at once. Wink! Wink!


Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!


Adventures In Waitressing said...